Lost at Sea
by itwasallyellow215
Summary: As i loaded the last box on the moving truck that would take me away from this state, away from jasper forever. I finally realized that maybe he was never mine to hold. Maybe just maybe we were just two ships lost at sea that shared a moment of calm serene bliss.
1. Prologue

When I started down this path I never thought I would end up here. In love with you. In love with everything about you but our circumstances.

When I imagine my future all I see is your smile.

Your carefree laugh.

The way your eyes light up when you know I'm being stubborn and putting up a fight. The way you try so hard to not laugh when I say something so ridiculous even the cat wants to laugh.

Every moment is perfect with you. Its so easy to be in the moment with you. To live, to laugh, to breathe.

Sitting on the couch arguing over who will get up for the remote. Having all day netflix marathons. When my feet get cold you hold them in your hand. I don't even have to ask, you just know.

You know.

You know just like I know that this too, our perfect moments won't last.

That this too shall pass.

And we will be once again lost at sea.

We will be just passing ships in the night.

That this too will be drown out by the waves.

But for now.

For now, in this perfect infinite moment your smile, your love is my anchor.

It keeps me afloat. It makes this vast ocean feel like a pool. It makes these dark nights shine in the moonlight.

For now it is all I can ask for and for now it's beautiful the way it is.

* * *

**A/N: This will be the only short chapter in the story. Stick around the ride will get even wilder. **

**Posting schedule will probably be once a week or once every two weeks. Ill try and keep posting a chapter a week for now. Sundays will be post days. **

**Please review and tell me what you think. **


	2. Any port in a storm

**A/N: Thank you to all of those who followed, favored, and those who reviewed. Love you guys. This is my first time writing an actual story. So bear with me here and i hope you guys enjoy the ride. **

**Thank you to Sailormoon79 & Oneattack47 for your amazing encouraging words. Sailormoon79 what can i say. You are the Luna to my Artemis. My partner in crime. My never ending wall of support and love. Love you to the moon kingdom and back. Oneattack47 you are simply brilliant darling! couldn't do this without you. Your my Beta, my rock, my Omega. **

**Alright kids! here we go let me know what you think**

**SM owns. This is her world and i am just a squirrel. **

* * *

It started with a beach barbecue and a man. I couldn't know the moment I met him, my life would change. I would have never guessed I would make the choices regarding him that I did.

Jasper was everything I wanted but wasn't looking for. He had that easy smile that makes you melt. That glint in his eyes as he shook my hand and introduced himself. He radiated joy and kindness and He had a deep chuckle that you couldn't help but smile at.

It dawned on me that I was lusting after a real man, and until now I had only noticed boys. But he, he was all man. As Alice walked up to where we stood and grabbed a hold of his hand. I saw that i had missed the telltale silver sign on his left hand that meant he was tethered to another woman.

As my relationship with Alice grew so did my relationship with Jasper. At first I found it odd to be the proverbial third wheel everywhere we went. Eventually I grew accustomed to my constant single status, and our easy friendship flourished.

Alice and Jasper became more than just my best friends, they were my family. They were supportive, kind and loving. I forgot what it felt like to be a part of a loving family. They welcomed me with open arms, their families took me in as one of their own. Alice brought me out of isolation and i joined her and Jasper in the warmth of a family. I felt like after being adrift at sea i finally found port.

Alice and Jasper radiated love and happiness. There was no anger, no resentment, no jealousy, just love in their relationship. So much love that even an outsider could see it.

Alice was bubbly, happy and joyful. Nothing brought her down and we spent countless nights crying because we laughed so hard. I never knew a friendship like ours. We shared clothes, food, even political views. We supported each other, we were there for each other, we became sisters.

Jasper was a constant. He was part of the background letting Alice and i make fool of ourselves but he always there. He was the constant support we needed.

The funny thing about time is that you never realize just how fast it goes by. In one moment i realized how everything had gradually changed. One single minuscule detail clicked and life unraveled.

* * *

September 9, 2012

I share a house with Alice and Jasper. When they first offered for all of us to share a house I was apprehensive with good reason. I didn't want to intrude on their couple time much less be involved in the middle. Everything had been going so well and Alice had been so kind and nice to me that I didn't see a reason why I shouldn't. And it works. For the most part except when they argue which lately seems like every day.

Shit. They are fighting again. Living with a married couple isn't easy. As hard as I try to not get involved somehow I end up in the middle of it. All I wanted was a glass of water now I am in the middle of hostile territory, the living room, trying to dodge insults and accusations.

Oh shit.

They are looking at me now. Was I supposed to say something?

Crap.

Focus Bella,

I turn to Alice "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Since Jasper is leaving and won't be here because of work do you want to do something specific for your birthday?" Alice says all of this with a smile on her face, but that doesn't diminish the glare in her eyes.

"mm..no not really I did want to check out that animal sanctuary but I don't really know anything about it"

Brilliant Bella.

Now say you have to do research right now,anything to escape this battlefield.

"ill go look it up upstairs on my laptop and let you know"

Finally the stairs! Hello Switzerland

* * *

Every day I spend more time with Alice I realize that she isn't who I thought she was. That sweet, kind, loving Alice has disappeared. This Alice is hurtful on her best days, bitter and resentful. This Alice doesn't laugh like she used to, she doesn't find joy anymore, she barely hangs out with me anymore. This Alice is constantly negative and no matter how upbeat i am around her she brings me down.

This Alice isn't welcoming anymore. She says I am like a sister to her yet i'm starting to realize there are cracks in her facade. She says one thing, does another. To me actions have always spoken louder than words. I always prided myself in between honest, loyal, kind, and open minded, I always thought Alice was the same.

I now know she isn't.

Much to Alice's dismay, Jasper and i share an unhealthy love of Metallica, Sci-Fi and historical dramas. There is always some show we are both dying to watch that she has to suffer through, she never votes the same way we do. I have actually noticed she usually prefers the complete opposite of what Jasper and I like.

Jasper probably has to be on the road again this week and will miss my birthday, I bet this is what today's argument is all about. I doubt Alice is upset that Jasper is missing my birthday.

No, Jasper told us at a "family dinner" that he was going to be gone 3 weeks ago. I remembered, so why didn't she? why she is upset?

* * *

That week of living with Alice while Jasper is gone is tolerable at best. She won't stop complaining about him, about how he is gone on the road again without her, even though that's his job.

" I just cant believe he would forget his wedding ring at the house on this trip" Alice says as we sit outside smoking cigarettes.

"well you know he cant wear his ring at work because it could get caught and he could loose his hand. Maybe he didn't exactly forget maybe he just didn't want to lose it. It is an expensive ring"

I say repeating Jasper like he was sitting right here next to us. He says this every time he doesn't take his ring anywhere. There is no ulterior motive as to why he doesn't wear it.

Alice thinks about it,

"I think he just wants to pretend to be single on this trip. Don't worry, ill make sure he cant forget. He forgot it on purpose I bet so he could flirt with more women" she says as she pulls out her phone to harass Jasper, I'm sure.

I don't know when Alice became so insecure and controlling over Jasper. There was a time where she would never have been this paranoid. Yet over the past month I've noticed she is getting a little out of hand.

"I just cant believe that after I got him such an expensive ring he would forget it" Alice huffs as she puts out her cigarette.

I just roll my eyes. I been living with them for 8 months now and all I hear is her constant gloating of how much things cost or how much she spent on something. Or how expensive the next things she wants is.

I turn to Alice and really look at her and say whats been on mind for months "Have you maybe thought about the fact that if he were to bring his ring while he is out of town, more women would approach him because he would have a ring on. You do realize that's what some women look for in guys, just a night of fun"

She turns around and looks at me like I just set a bible on fire

"What Alice? It's the truth. A ring isn't going to stop him from cheating if that is what you are worried about. He will cheat with a ring on or not."

As I say this I see her begin to ignore me completely, and continue on her iPhone once again harassing Jasper im sure. She lets out a huff that sounds a lot like "what do you know about relationships".

Maybe its because im hormonal but I just cant deal with her attitude today or maybe i just dont see why i should.

"Alright Alice goodnight" I say as I walk back into the house and go to my room.

* * *

This pattern of her complaining and me not taking her side continues while Jasper is gone. Its not that I don't take her side on purpose, its just that I have always been a firm believer that if I think you're in the wrong, I will tell you, this whole week she has complained about him only talking to her once a day. To me its petty relationship stuff that I should not have to be involved in. So I ignore it.

I ignore it all week but on the day of my birthday I realize she has been so upset that she has been rude to me all day. I let it go. I understand but when she sends me a text message that says "happy birthday I tried to hang out with you today but you had to go to work. I guess I will see you later" I don't really know how to respond.

I let it go.

Because what is a girl to do?

My best friend is having an off day, that's okay. We all have them. Hopefully she will sing me happy birthday tonight with a cupcake. I don't really care about the cupcake I just want someone who cares about me to sing me happy birthday. To get a hug, a real embrace from someone who means it. Not the awkward pat in the back "happy birthday" hug. Since I lost my parents three years ago I don't get real hugs anymore.

I let it go. I enjoy my day hoping that when I get home she will be there with a smile and an I'm sorry. Hoping that she knows as my best friend how much this day means to me and how lonely and sad it can be, since my parents aren't here. I am hoping she knows how much it hurt today without having to voice it.

As I drive home that night the cheerfulness of the day is retreating. The somber sad feeling that my parents aren't here starts to creep in.

It truly feels like I'm alone in the world.

Without the reassurance of my best friend there for the day I feel alone and abandoned. When I open the door to the house I am expecting an empty house, a reflection of how I'm feeling. What I get instead is Jasper on the couch, eating pizza and drinking a beer. His whole face lights up as he watches me come inside.

I never been so excited to see someone in my life and to see such a genuine kind carefree smile thrown my way. That loneliness that had crept in suddenly disappears as he smiles and in a fake southern drawl says "Happy birthday Darlin' now come here and give me some sugar"

As he hugs me tight I realize that he didn't know I needed a real hug. I didn't know I needed one until 5 minutes ago. Somehow he knew. He gave me a hug filled with so much tenderness and affection that as we sit there and eat leftover pizza and fight over the remote I realize this was just what I needed.

With that small detail, that real hug everything would slowly start to unravel.


End file.
